Learn how to speak to your partner about your cycle

Written by Audrey Geyer

No matter if you’re dating, in a relationship, engaged, or have been married for years, you know that how you’re feeling influences your relationship.

Whether you’re feeling happy, critical, calm, or flirty, your partner is going to pick up on signals about how you feel and respond to you. That’s why intentional communication is so important in any relationship!

Your hormones are messengers that influence many functions in your body, including your energy and emotions. Throughout the month, your sex hormones interact with your neurotransmitters and influence your mood. Charting with Tempdrop allows you to improve your body literacy so that you understand your cyclical emotions better - and that allows you to communicate and plan proactively!

 Although you can communicate in many ways, there are 3 main areas you can talk with your partner about so they can better understand your cycle and so that you can build trust in your relationship: emotional support, goals and responsibilities, and sex. 

Emotional Support 

Knowing your partner’s love language is a savvy, caring strategy for building a successful relationship. Most people have more than one love language and from my observations with clients, it’s possible that a woman’s love language might even change based on her needs and what part of her cycle she’s in.

 

For example:

1. During the menstrual phase, you may feel more introverted and withdrawn. Words of affirmation that remind you how loved you are might be especially important during this time.
2. As you enter your follicular phase, you might feel more social and supportive, making quality time feel exceptionally important to you. Ask your partner to plan a date just for the two of you or with some friends!
3. Ovulation makes you feel more confident and more attracted to your partner, so physical touch during this time is an easy, enjoyable way to express love.
4. When your temperature rises and you shift into the luteal phase, you can become more prone to stress, so acts of service allow you to take something off your plate and relax a little more.

 

Think about what makes you feel loved and supported, what activities you have coming up, and what phase of your cycle you’re in. Let your significant other know what would make you feel loved this week! 

Goals and Responsibilities

As you look at your calendar for the upcoming month, you may be thinking about work, household activities, and goals that you’re working on. As your hormones shift throughout the cycle, your energy will change, which can present different opportunities or challenges for your work.

1. During the luteal phase (when the temperature rises) or menstrual phase (when your hormones are lowest), you might not feel quite as energetic or social. Manage your expectations by simplifying your schedule and spending time cultivating a clean, organized environment that feels good for you to be in. 
2. As you enter your follicular phase (after menstruation) and through ovulation, you will generally have more energy to take on new projects or feel more resilient to stress. In this part of your cycle, estrogen stimulates your serotonin and dopamine receptors - making you feel happy, motivated, and creative. 

Use your knowledge about your cycle to help you start scheduling your work and social calendar in a way that feels good for you, or to divide household responsibilities and take on projects together! 

Sex

While men wake up with the same peak level of testosterone every day, which usually makes their sex drive very predictable, many women have a sex drive that changes - and if you’re trying to conceive or prevent pregnancy, communication about sex and your cycle is even more important!

1. During the menstrual phase, some women want to abstain from sex, while others may feel a high desire for their partners. It can be helpful to tell them that you’ll let them know what you’re feeling and if you’re feeling in the mood.
2. As you enter the follicular phase, your cervical fluid gradually shifts from a dry (infertile) to wet (fertile) pattern. You may feel more flirtatious, adventurous, and affectionate and want to schedule a date to initiate sex or try something new to spice things up.
3. Before you reach ovulation, communicate with your significant other about what’s going on with your body. Whether you’re hoping to achieve pregnancy, practicing abstinence, using a barrier method, or just want them to know how confident and sexy you feel, they’ll be more receptive and prepared if you give them a heads up.
4. When your temperature rises and you enter the luteal phase, your cervical fluid will become drier. Let them know if you like receiving a backrub or to prioritize longer foreplay. 

 

Each week, take the time to tell your partner what they can expect from you and what makes you feel supported. By making this conversation a regular part of your life, you’ll build trust and intimacy in your relationship!